My family has always been private about our time spent together. It was our way of keeping one thing that was ours, with a man we shared with an entire world. But now that’s gone, and I feel stripped bare. My last day with him was his birthday, and I will be forever grateful that my brothers and I got to spend that time alone with him, sharing gifts and laughter. He was always warm, even in his darkest moments. While I’ll never, ever understand how he could be loved so deeply and not find it in his heart to stay, there’s minor comfort in knowing our grief and loss, in some small way, is shared with millions. It doesn’t help the pain, but at least it’s a burden countless others now know we carry, and so many have offered to help lighten the load. Thank you for that.
To those he touched who are sending kind words, know that one of his favorite things in the world was to make you all laugh. As for those who are sending negativity, know that some small, giggling part of him is sending a flock of pigeons to your house to poop on your car. Right after you’ve had it washed. After all, he loved to laugh too…
Dad was, is and always will be one of the kindest, most generous, gentlest souls I’ve ever known, and while there are few things I know for certain right now, one of them is that not just my world, but the entire world is forever a little darker, less colorful and less full of laughter in his absence. We’ll just have to work twice as hard to fill it back up again.My only statement. My brothers’ are also online. Thank you for all your kindness, and goodbye for awhile guys. xo (via zeldawilliams)
“So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring (via zeldawilliams)
To Take His Pain Away
Robin Williams has shaped me, my mind, my way of thinking, my way of feeling more than anyone else in the world. It has never been more apparent than it is right now. As I watch Mork and Mindy again, I realize where I got my I got the idea of what kind of man I could possibly settle down with came from. I never had much hope of finding someone, but now that the only one who fit the bill is gone, so is any hope I had.
As I learn more about his personal life, I see a lot of similarities. I am an only child who was, and still can be, painfully shy as well. After zig-zagging across the country a few times, I ended up attending 6 schools, usually starting the next grade after the school year had already started, so making friends was extremely difficult. If you count college, then I have been to 8 schools. I never had an attic, but I had a space in my closet that was my safe/fun place where anything could happen as my imagination got a workout. I also came from an upper middle class household with a funny mother who worked most of her life, but who always tried to connect with me regularly and a serious father who was either deployed for six months at a time or worked full time and spent most of his spare hours in his home office. He would have me read books, write book reports during the summers and write essays on why whatever I did was wrong to teach me a lesson. I spent a higher than average time in detention or in a chair just outside of the classroom door. I wasn’t a bad child exactly, I was just surrounded by nazis whom demanded excellence at all times. While trying to keep up with the Jones’s, my parents had me taking lessons in tap dancing, ballet, CCD, Brownies/Girl Scouts, horseback riding, piano, along with tutoring, big brothers/big sisters and summer camps. I never had much time to just hang out with friends, of which I really didn’t have hardly any. Being the perpetually new kid who, at the time, was taller than everyone else as I reached my maximum hight of five foot six before the sixth grade, who got fat soon after the first move and who attended schools where some of the mascots were huskies and whales… You do the math.
I digress. I can’t help but to wish that I could have taken Robin’s pain so he could have been here today. Who cares if I could not handle the darkness. I am insignificant and would only be missed for a short time by a few people. If he were here, he would still be making the world a far better place than it is now. Making people laugh as he would spreading love and sweetness and kindness. An acting genius with a gentle heart who did so much good. Who else can do what he did? No one. He was this generation’s Bob Hope 2.0. Some say he was one in a million? Oh no. One in a billion? Not even close. One in a trillion? You’re getting closer, but you’re still not there. He changed the world and made peoples’ lives better. If I had the superpower to absorb personal demons, I would have gladly taken his in a heart beat. At least then I would have had a purpose in this world. He really should still be here. His work isn’t finished. This isn’t fair. It just is not fair.
Robin Williams dies and the whole world mourns his loss.
Joan Rivers dies and hardly anyone notices or cares.
So what have I learned from this?
That kind and sincere people will be loved and respected.
And that trying to be edgy and controversial just to get attention won’t get you very far.
Random Daze theme by Polaraul